


Now That I Found You

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Feels Like Heaven [8]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor, Post Episode: s17ep15 Collateral Damage, Romance, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:10:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6054508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’ve never…” Ed made a funny motion with his hand.  “I'm asking for a friend, obviously.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now That I Found You

**Author's Note:**

> At this point in what would be canon, Ed and Olivia were already in a relationship in my writing. I don’t know if last night was just two friends grabbing a beer after a shitty case or something more, but I definitely know what it was in this universe.

“I'm just going to have one glass of wine.” Liv said as they settled into the booth at Hickey’s, her favorite hole in the wall bar in Tribeca that was never crowded. “OK, maybe two glasses…but don’t let me have more than two glasses.”

“I'm your sponsor now?” Ed raised an eyebrow.

“Oh ha, ha. Barba and I had a drink earlier. We’ve been doing that, in the evenings, just trying to make sense of all this. We were doing it the night Hank Abraham attempted suicide.”

“This isn't something you make sense of Liv.”

“Yeah.”

The barmaid walked over. Liv ordered a glass of Clos Du Bois Pinot Noir and Ed wanted a Maker’s Mark on the rocks. She left them with a tattered menu that Ed looked through. An appetizer would probably be good for his stomach.

“Pippa is my friend. I want to be there for her; I don’t want her to go through this alone. So many have deserted her as if this is a reflection on who she is and all that she's done. It’s not…I won't let it be for me.”

“Did you even know they were married?”

“I did…I tried not to hold it against her. They’ve been together for over a decade, I assume she knew him better than I ever could. That isn't something I wanted to be so wrong about.”

“When we went into the room with him that first night, he tried to accuse ADA Barba of setting him up.”

“He did that more than once. The two of them have never been friends. Hank Abraham didn’t have friends.”

“You saw how he treated me outside of his apartment when they arrested him.” Ed said. “I wasn’t going to him the satisfaction of a fight. There was nothing to smirk about. If you have to brag about your juice then you don’t have it anymore or never did in the first place.” 

“Dodds didn’t show up to say a kind word.”

“At least he didn’t show up with a shovel to dig his grave. Billy the Kid can be ruthless as hell when he wants to be. No one gets to the top of the NYPD food chain with human kindness.”

“Some would say the same about you.” Liv said.

“Me? I'm a pussycat. Stroke me in the right spot and I purr; the wrong spot may get your eyes scratched out.”

“That’s probably the most perfect analogy to describe you.” She laughed.

“You want some French fries?”

“I don’t know if I have much of an appetite but if you order them I’ll see what I can do.”

The barmaid returned with their drinks. Ed asked for her name, he always addressed wait staff by their names. Once he found out it was Maggie he ordered the basket of Old Bay fries. He was appropriately sweet while doing this and Liv just stared at him. Yeah, she kinda liked him.

“What’s that look?” he asked. He sipped the bourbon and then put his chin in the palm of his hand while studying her.

“What look?”

“That one.”

“I know nothing of this look of which you speak.”

“I know this was tough on you. You didn’t have to work with the guy everyday but high profile cases have a way of stripping us down to the bare minimum.” Ed said.

“I'm fine.”

“I wasn’t making a psychological assessment. It was rough on everyone involved. You’ve just had some rougher ones lately.”

“2016 has hit a nice, shitty stride. Sometimes I drink more wine than I should.”

“I was wondering if you were going to tell me that.”

“You’ve never seen me drunk.” Liv said. “OK, scratch that…you’ve never seen me drunk because things suck.”

“You're talking to your doctor?”

“I am.” She nodded. “One day at a time. Some days are surely better than others. Today sucked, but there were also bright spots. Pippa and her kids can begin the healing process. Hank acknowledged his wrong doing and though I don’t plan to forgive him or even know if he can get help for that problem…” she shrugged. “It’s over, and we can start what comes next.”

“I hear you.”

“You were pretty great out there, not that I want to pay you a compliment or anything.” She drank her wine.

“Just doing my job, ma'am.”

“You have one of the hardest jobs, Ed. You have to investigate your own colleagues, your own brothers and sisters.”

“I don’t have a problem with it.” He said. “I know a lot of people do but you can't run an organization that large and not have a proper checks and balance system. And it’s still corrupt as hell to be honest. There are days where I'm like a hamster just running on a wheel. The wheel never stops and the hamster never gets anywhere.”

“Hamsters don’t even get to have nightcaps.”

“I know. So tragic.” He smiled. “We've never been to this place before.”

“It’s a hidden gem. Always half to three quarters filled but never closed down. It even survived the great Tribeca gentrification.”

“The mob must run it, or the Westies.”

“Do you ever not think like a cop?” she asked.

“About as often as you do, Lieutenant.”

“So when you're asleep?”

“When I'm asleep.” Ed nodded. “When I'm with you. I'm not thinking like a cop right now. I'm just talking like one.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“French fries. A hot shower. Possibly getting eight hours of sleep.”

“Eight hours? Damn, you're having some high hopes there buddy.”

“Tell me about it. I think I can do it. I'm a captain now, the party doesn’t start until I show up.”

“I'm not entirely sure that’s proper use of your power.” Liv said as their fries arrived. They smelled good so she changed her mind and decided to have a few.

“If I had to make it all the way to captain and still can't squeeze in a few extra hours of sleep, put me back in a squad car.”

“Oh God, I never want to be back in a squad car.” She shook her head and laughed.

“Let's talk about something else.”

They were cops, and it was an all-consuming job even when you didn’t want it to be. That didn’t mean that Ed wanted to talk about it tonight. This case had kept them both busy as hell and they hadn’t seen each other except while working it. There were phone calls, and a text messaging session or two but now they were face to face. Ed wanted to do anything but rehash the job. Sometimes it was hard, when it was most of your time it could be difficult to find something else to have a conversation about. He knew there was more to Olivia Benson than SVU and there was definitely more to Ed Tucker than IAB.

“If you were home right now, curled up on your couch, what would you be watching? And you can't pick a sport.”

“Tonight is an _All about Eve_ night for sure. Did I ever tell you that Ronin loves Bette Davis? Whenever I put her movies on he gives the television his full attention.”

“So you're a Bette Davis fan?”

“Oh yeah.” Ed ate some fries and drank more bourbon. He would probably just have two as well. There was no need to overdo it. “My mom, well my stepmom, she was a big Bette Davis fan. 

“My dad wasn’t much into movies, unless it was war movies, Humphrey Bogart, or John Wayne films, and that’s OK. She used to make me watch them with her if I was around so she could have someone to chatter with. So she introduced me to all the classics. I've seen _Peyton Place_ so many times I know the entire film by heart.”

“ _Peyton Place_? Stop.” Liv laughed. “I can't imagine.”

“I had such a ridiculous crush on Diane Varsi. I wanted to be Norman Page on that train with her, dressed in my Para jumpers’ uniform and wooing her with talk of foreign nations and international intrigue. It’s such a beautifully made film. One of the most beautifully made films if you ask me. It’s even more beautiful than _Amadeus_ but I know a few people, my stepmother included, who would disagree.”

“I never made it through _Amadeus_. Barba loves that movie. He might be the president of the F. Murray Abraham fan club.”

“Wow, look at that, Barba and I have something in common.”

“Shock and awe.” Liv’s wine was halfway gone. She wished she could say it was making her feel nice but her tolerance her increased lately. It would take more than a glass or two for that. She wasn’t going there tonight. Being with him would make her feel nice enough.

“Is he your BFF, as my daughter would say?” Ed asked. “My kids use so many anagrams, I hardly know how to communicate with them. Its LOL and TTYL…it’s another language altogether. But I know what BFF means.”

“He's something like that. Dodds accused us once of being “close”. Well, he accused me; Rafael wasn’t even in the room. And I say accuse because he always has that tone when he talks to you, as if you’ve done something wrong. I've been close with all the ADAs that have come through SVU if they stay long enough. Working those kinds of cases you get to know people as people. Was he right about Rafael and I being close, yes. Was he wrong about the context, yes.”

“Context being that you were sleeping with him.”

“Or I was thinking about it or I had done it once or we would be doing it later on.” Liv said.

“You’ve never…” Ed made a funny motion with his hand. “I'm asking for a friend, obviously.”

“No. He is an amazing person and I love him so much. I'm not in love with him but I love him.”

“Then he's a lucky son of a bitch.” 

“I can hook you two up. You can spend a nice Saturday afternoon critiquing _Amadeus_ or _The Remains of the Day_.”

“I'm not that big of a Merchant-Ivory fan. The scripts are usually too heavy handed for my tastes. The cinematography is beautiful but the dialogue can bore me to tears. I'm talking _A Room with a View_ bored.”

“Do you have a favorite cinematographic masterpiece?” Liv asked.

“ _Vertigo_ is in the top 5 for sure. Robert Burks, aww man, that guy could visualize and create the most amazing shots. _Strangers on a Train, North by Northwest, The Birds_. _The Birds_ was visually stunning. What I appreciate so much about Hitchcock is his dedication to making beautifully crafted films. What you saw was integral to what you heard; you can hardly have one without the other. It made movie going an actual full-bodied experience.”

“Who was the cinematographer on _Gone with the Wind_?”

“Ernest Haller and Ray Rennahan won the Academy Award for it. It was best cinematography on a color film then.”

“What about _Star Wars_?”

“Um…Gilbert Taylor, famous for _A Hard Day’s Night_ and _Dr. Strangelove_. Both classics in their own right.”

“And _Manhattan_?”

“Gordon Willis; he did _The Godfather_ series as well. _The Godfather_ would have to be top 5 too.”

“You're a geek.” A big smile came across Liv’s face as she finished off her wine. “Edward, you are a total geek.”

“That word has never been used to describe me.” He said.

“You keep it well hidden under your black suits and your quasi-military haircut. Just naming three different cinematographers, though I can't confirm if you're right or wrong, makes you a geek. A lovely geek. I think it’s great.”

“Do you have anything you're a geek about?”

“I'm a workaholic.”

“What about when you were younger. Before work became the thing that consumed you. What was your favorite thing?”

“Emo British bands.” Liv replied. “I loved The Smiths, The Cure, Echo and the Bunnymen, Depeche Mode. If they were moody then they were fantastic.”

“Caitlin likes The Smiths. She calls them retro. I’ll have to ask her about the other bands. Most of the things she listens to I know nothing about. Um, Fall Out Boy, Taylor Swift, the one that has summer in the name, she loves Beyoncé but everyone does so I’m not sure that counts.”

“Are you a Beyoncé fan?”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Ed leaned in closer.

Their moment was interrupted by Maggie, who wanted to know if they were ready for a refill. Ed finished the rest of his bourbon and said that they were.

“So, a secret? I'm all ears.”

“Once in the car, Cait and I sang the ‘to the left’ song, and yes, I did know most of the words. For a while that song was everywhere. That was a long time ago, six or seven years. But Beyoncé is still going strong.”

“Beyoncé and cinematography, check.”

“We’re making lists now?” he asked eating a French fry.

“I'm just keeping track of all of this in my head.” Liv enjoyed more fries. “It’s fascinating.”

“You're fascinating.”

“You must be hard up.” 

“No comment.” Ed shook his head and smiled. He thanked Maggie when she returned with the drinks. “Let's have a toast.”

“To what?” Liv held up her wineglass.

“To the fascinating things we geek about.”

“I like it.” She tapped her glass against his. “Hear, hear.”

***

“I don’t remember the weatherman talking about rain this morning.”

“It’s just a little drizzle; it won't kill you. I live so close by, I want to enjoy the walk.”

“No, the walk is fine. I was really talking to myself. I do that sometimes.”

A fine rain fell in the city as Liv and Ed walked the half-mile back to her apartment. There were still plenty of people walking around. Some were going to restaurants, bars, or pizza shops, some heading home. Tribeca was always busy. That’s one of the things Liv loved about it. 

She loved that about the city. The noise could sometimes be a comfort…made her know she wasn’t alone. Despite rising prices and knowing the effects of crime, Liv had no interest in moving to the suburbs or an outer borough. Manhattan had always been home, for better or worse.

“ _Schindler’s List_.” Ed said. “I know, it’s a horrible clichéd answer but it’s true. A black and white movie made in the 90s, Spielberg took a massive risk. But it’s more gray than anything else, devoid of color when color is something you're so used to seeing. 

“It shows the bleakness of the story they’re getting ready to tell you. Janusz Kaminski told a very visual story, which was sometimes better because the words can be so hard to swallow. It’s absolutely beautiful in the most simple and unbeautiful way. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does.” Liv nodded. “Do you want to come up for coffee or tea? Sometimes Noah waits up for me so you might be able to say hello to him as well.”

“I want to say yes, but I'm going to say no.”

“Why?” Liv glanced at him.

“I might not want to leave tonight.”

“I'm not sensing a big problem.”

“I’ll never get my eight hours trying to share a bed with you, woman.” He laughed.

“I don’t even hog the covers.”

“Yes, because that’s my primary concern. Now that that’s been properly addressed…”

“I don’t want to be alone tonight. Pippa has to be alone and my heart just breaks for her. I don’t have to be.”

“No,” Ed put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close and kissing her temple. “You don’t.”

“I promise, no sneaking out at o’dark thirty like we’re doing something illicit.”

“That’s a big step.”

“I think I can handle it.” Liv said.

“I'm wondering if I can.”

“Are you being serious?” they stopped at a red light and Liv looked at him. This from the man who said he loved her a couple of months ago. This from the man who never once pressed her to reply in kind.

“Not entirely.” He shook his head. “Eight hours, huh? For real?”

“Cross my heart.” Liv did just that to show she meant business. “OK, maybe seven.”

“I knew the caveat was coming.” He laughed.

“I’ll make it worth your while, Captain.”

“I'm going to be spending the night with you Liv…mission accomplished.”

She snuggled into his side and sighed. This, wasn’t this all that anyone wanted? Just someone who got joy from being with them. The drama might come, everyone had their share. But these moments, especially in the midst of a chaotic world, could keep Liv from falling over the edge. 

What was the point of fighting it? Didn’t she deserve it? Didn’t Ed? A good friend of hers had lost everything over the past couple of weeks. There was nothing left and Pippa was left holding the tatters of life as she knew it. 

Liv was holding on to something new; someone who made her feel that thing she never quite felt before. All this time she thought it may have passed her by. There was no use in being bitter but Liv mourned something that she never quite had. Now she thought she might have spoken too soon. The most wonderful things usually came from the most unexpected places.

***


End file.
